Life is a journey. That is where this begins and ends. 

Portrait of Wayne E. Chinnockby Brad Smith

                                                                                                                           Photograph of me just before Inspire started in Portland, ME. 

Last week I attended Inspire Photo Retreats in Portland, ME. I attended two years ago, loved the experience, and sadly missed last year’s due to my father's sudden illness and death. 

Life can really throw a wrench into the sprockets of those slick wheels you are riding on sometimes. Last year it definitely did. 

But I made it this year and it was amazing. It reminded me of why I do what I do. It made me open up to other photographers, see their vision, see their art and really see them. 

And Inspire reminded me, brought home the fact that we photographers are all people that live off of our creations. 

This may not be as easy as it looks to many of you watching us. The public, our clients and our distant Facebook friends see us post happy photos all the time and crazy self-portraits in photo-booths, we may brag about how awesome our clients are, we just shot a cool destination wedding or we simply have more time to travel than most people. 

Now, I am not hating on my profession. I really do have access to creating my own schedule (with the exception of Saturdays odd for 6 months) and some great opportunities that may not exist in other occupations. 

But I do want to admit that we do self-doubt, we do question how good we are and if we are steering our business in the right direction. We do have nights where we are super worried about how that bride and groom will react to the full set of images from their rainy wedding day that we actually adored photographing. 

We experience loss, we get married, we have children, we get distracted. 

We get insecure!    But I was reminded at Inspire that it’s all ok. 

Why is it ok? 

Well for a lot of reasons: we are people too, we don’t have emotional armor like so many people seem to believe photographers do, and we experience all the same struggles that the rest of humanity does. 

But a really big thing happened for me this year at the retreat.

I attended an amazing class led by Matt Ebenezer of Matt & Katie photography out of Brisbane, Australia. It was titled “One Life. Zero Regrets” and I believe it was the only class without a description. I was intrigued so I went. 

I don’t think anyone in that classroom knew what they were getting themselves into. Matt spoke completely openly about his life experience, incredible successes and very challenging struggles. He was an open book to us all. And he really reiterated why it is important to be true to yourself and the ones you love so that you don’t have any regrets in the end.  Here is a link to a fundraising page for him and his wife. 

Matt’s talk hit me like a ton of bricks. It triggered so many things from last year that I believe I was pushing back, and it humbled me greatly. I broke down like I haven’t broken down since my father’s passing. 

And I allowed myself to really accept 2014, it was tough.  Not as tough as Matt’s year or some other people’s years but tough for me. 

I lost my father only 2 weeks after coming back from a medical photography trip to Haiti, a friend and colleague died from cancer in the summer, my dear uncle on my father’s side died from his 3^rd battle with cancer, he gave me his motorcycle two days before passing and I drove it from Bend Oregon to Boston in 9 days, I planned an amazing wedding and married my true soul-mate, and then a dear friend of ours mother died from cancer just before Thanksgiving. 

Yeah, life gets really tough sometimes. 

Father's house collage

               Collage from my father's house.

And that’s ok. I don’t even know how our business grew last year; I felt like I could almost never keep my head above water. I think we really do have great clients that enjoy working with us and appreciate the images we create. I can’t thank them enough for believing in what we do and continuing to allow us into their homes, offices and special events.

Because that is what really matters to me. Creating images is who I am. A few hours after my father passed away I went into his home and spent a few hours creating detailed photographs of his collections, his tools, his spice rack, really his existence for the last 25 years in that home. That was my therapy. And I created wonderful collage metal prints of these images for my three siblings. Here it is. 

Driving my uncles motorcycle across country at the end of July was an intense self-reflection journey to say the least and photographing the trip was very important to me.

Kawasaki Versys Motorcycle in Eastern Oregon

                Driving my uncle's Kawasaki Versys across country.

When I reflect on 2014 I am reminded that it was just a small trip around the sun in my life’s journey, and that the journey with your loved ones is what really matters. I could not have gotten anywhere in the last 10 years if it wasn’t for Melodie.

Now when it comes to our clients we photographers get to show up and document your life journeys. 

It's kind of amazing when you think about it. 

Don't get me wrong, sometimes its not that easy. We get the family where one child is seriously having a mental breakdown and one of the parents is visibly exhausted and finding it difficult to not let their brain think about a work deadline. I get it, life’s a pain in the arse sometimes. 

I just wanted to admit that we photographers have struggles to. 

But it makes us stronger and better, isn't that hopefully the point of this little thing called life.  

Photography really is my way of going through life’s journey, of seeing it and capturing it in my own way. 

So whether you are a client, a loved one, a fellow photographer, someone I have documented in another country, a dear friend or just an innocent pedestrian that has been in the line of photography fire I want to thank you for being part of my journey. Thank you for letting me define my life by photographing yours.

And a huge thanks goes out to you Matt and the Inspire Photo Retreats team for keeping it real and making it a great conference. 

Thought creates reality so lets make a great reality!

0640 HUFH Day2 2012 x- 013Hand mixing cement in Haiti                 Hand mixing cement in Haiti.